i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize