my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
