I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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