i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
