Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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