i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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