Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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