ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
