I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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