Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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