i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
