So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
