wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
