Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
