So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
