I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
