Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
