i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
