I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
