i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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