She's JV to your varsity
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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