I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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