i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
