Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
