OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
