I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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