For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize