Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
