so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
