Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
