Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ttyl tear gas
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
