I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
