I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
