Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize