I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
