Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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