On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
