they need to just BURY HIM!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
