Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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