I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
