I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
