My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize