Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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