The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
