She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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