At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
