im drinking this country out of the recession.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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