I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
