Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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