Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
