just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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