brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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