Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
