she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
