No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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