i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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