I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
