yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
