I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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