Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
