We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
