Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
