how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
