so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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