So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
