I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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