Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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